Can i not drive my cunt home
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
