I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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