fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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