I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize