You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
