I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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