i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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