i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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