Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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