i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
