are you still at the devil's house?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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