True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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