hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
