Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
