I just saw a hot homeless man
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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