Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize