They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
