If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We left the knife in your bed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
