she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
