i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she looked like the before picture.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
