I'm drive I can fine osifer
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
