Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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