yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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