4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize