Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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