people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
