capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
