omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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