ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
