I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
