1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
