As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sober January is a disaster.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
