I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
