i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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