there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
