Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
