Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
