My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
