i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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