Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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