Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
