smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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