if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
