I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
