Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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