Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
