She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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