my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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