but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
