I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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