I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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