it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
