No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
