Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
