I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
