i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize