i jhust puked up my retainher.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
