I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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