So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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