Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
